Allysin Kay from Shimmer 113 during WrestleMania weekend

I just returned from WrestleMania weekend. Let’s see how broke I am.

Do you know what’s scary about going away to Brooklyn for WrestleMania weekend? It’s the day after when I return home and have to look at my bank account.

Debit cards and apps that automatically deduct money are the worst. It’s easy to swipe a card without considering the money lost. Of course, you know this, that’s why you’re in debt right now.

It’s different when carrying cash. Card transactions are more like a “deal with it later” deduction. But cash? You can physically feel the loss of money.

Cash is what keeps men safe at strip clubs. Getting a private dance is more conflicting when it requires us to hand over a stack of money, watching our wallets go empty. The minute we don’t want to grab another Lincoln is the minute we need to go home.

But a night funded by a card is different. We’re drowning in drinks and lapdances, crawling to the club ATM and paying that $5.00 fee, having a good time with the boys. We wake up the next afternoon thinking, “Shit, how much money did I spend?”

We pull out the banking app, but before logging in, we ask ourselves if we want the answer.

No, we don’t. But we need to know. We need to know how much money remains before approaching the rest of the week. That’s proper adulting in the aftermath of improper adulting.

Before logging in, I thought about every transaction I made. And this doesn’t include tickets to wrestling events, the Airbnb, or the flight:

  • Pizza
  • Movie tickets for Shazam!
  • Uber
  • More Uber
  • Probably more Uber after that
  • Various household accessories
  • Airport food
  • Arena food
  • Theater food

Fuck!

I don’t start my new job for another week which means I’m not getting a paycheck for another two weeks after that. Thank goodness I didn’t stop by Pumps Bar.

Deep breathe. Let’s see what happens.

* Logs into Wells Fargo app *

Oh. Better than I thought. Guess I can go ahead and spend nearly $50 in George knit jogger shorts from Walmart.

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