Author: damionferrell

I’m Not in a Rush — You’re Just Slow

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I was catching the subway with my girlfriend. We got on the escalator and I noticed the left side was completely open, so I suggested we walk down instead of standing. She agreed… until about three-quarters down, when she sighed and asked why I was “in such a rush.”

My girlfriend has two modes when analyzing my movement:

  1. I’m “in a rush,” or
  2. I’m “impatient.”

If I walk on an escalator, I’m in a rush. If I walk faster than the crowd, I’m impatient. Somehow my legs have become a personality flaw.

Let me address this:

First, sometimes I am in a rush. And what’s wrong with that? I like getting to my office early before class. Walking could be the difference between catching the subway or waiting 5–7 minutes. Five to seven minutes is the difference between “I’m prepared for this lesson” and “well, I guess I won’t print these worksheets.”

Second, I’m not rushing. I just don’t like losing momentum. I move like a rolling suitcase on smooth airport tile — once I’m going, I’m going.

And third, I’m not impatient. I just dislike being trapped in a human traffic jam for no reason other than collective tiny-leg syndrome.

I once timed my steps next to someone after my girlfriend brought up my pace. My steps were slower but longer. I walked past him without speeding up. That’s not impatience. That’s geometry. I’m not saying other people are slow. I’m saying other people have baby strides. Why do I have to shrink myself to match your preschool pacing?

Anyway, I wasn’t rushing. Sure, I’d prefer to catch the subway before it leaves. Who wouldn’t? But I’m not sprinting down polished metal stairs to do it. That is a broken ankle waiting to happen.

And yet I see people do exactly that — casually standing, then suddenly Usain Bolt-ing down the escalator because the train whistle blew. If you’re willing to run down moving stairs, why not just… walk steadily from the start? Somehow that chaotic dash is acceptable, but I’m the problem because I maintained a normal pace from step one? Make it make sense.

I don’t walk because I think everyone should. The point of an escalator is to rest your joints. Treat it like a moving couch. I just treat escalators like a hike: if I’ve already started walking, I don’t feel like stopping. Objects in motion stay in motion. Newton wrote that about me, specifically.

And I don’t think I’m better than you for walking. I’m not silently judging your stationary existence. Just… don’t judge me for moving. I promise there’s no message behind it.

However.

If I choose the stairs instead of a crowded escalator?
Yes. I do mean something by it.

If you’re comfortable wedging your torso between thirty strangers like socks in a washing machine, that’s your business. But I will feel superior climbing the stairs beside you like a fitness-themed Greek god.

I am 38 years old and can take 17 floors without sounding like a depressed vacuum cleaner. I will absolutely enjoy moving faster in a race you did not sign up for. And if the escalator breaks and you get stuck in a human cattle chute? I will regret nothing. Na-na na-na boo-boo… I’m too tired to rhyme anything with boo-boo.

So if you catch me taking the stairs while you wait shoulder-to-shoulder on robot steps?
Call me dramatic. Tease me. Whisper, “Who does he think he is?”

Easy answer:
I think I’m better than being packed in like spam.

Tiny-ass legs.

Weapons: Overthinking, Blame, and Bosoms

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I watched Weapons a third time, this time with my girlfriend. At this point, I’m certain I know what the movie is, aside from just being awesome. It’s about how we get weaponized against each other. Whether it’s harmful ideologies, media influences, family pressures, national politics, or addiction, there’s always something that sparks us to harm others.

But Weapons isn’t a single-theme movie. It tackles many things at once. I didn’t even consider one layer until my girlfriend shared something she read before we watched it: that the film exposes the darkness hidden in middle-American suburbs and how we never really know what goes on behind closed doors.

At first, my arrogant side scoffed at that. It seemed like a stretch. But… was it? Maybe not. The film’s bigger themes sit in plain sight, but it’s not unreasonable to walk away with that interpretation. After all, nobody in town had any clue what Alex lived through daily. How could they?

So yes — my girlfriend accepts that I’m a film junkie and an overthinker. Meaning that after a movie, TV episode, or even a random YouTube clip, I’ve got a brainful of thoughts I have to unload. After Weapons, I had way too much to get out of my system.

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When Leaving Feels Like Coming Home

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A couple of days before flying to Toronto to see my best friend, I decided to rent a car. The idea of driving in an unfamiliar city made me nervous, but after relying on Ubers during my 2023 visit (before my friend’s son was born), I figured a rental car could save both money and time.

As I drove around Toronto each day, I felt myself blending in. At first, I was just adapting to traffic patterns. Soon enough, I got comfortable running “side missions.” I went to the movies (I saw Weapons, in case you’re wondering). My girlfriend and I took walks around Humber Park. We wandered into stores to buy an umbrella, medicine, or food to cook at my friend’s place. Before I knew it, I felt at ease, almost like a local. When it was finally time to get an Uber to the airport, all I could think was, I don’t want to leave.

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Still Listening in 2025: Jill Scott’s “Talk to Me”

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You know what irrationally annoys me? When someone listens to an old song on YouTube and drops a comment like, “Still listening in 2025.” Yeah, we can see the date. But here I am, about to do my own version of that — because I’m still listening to Jill Scott’s Talk to Me, a song from 2004 that’s been stuck in my head for two decades.

I grew up on ’90s R&B — the soulful, intimate, real stuff — and Jill Scott in the early 2000s carried that vibe forward. Her Words and Sounds albums weren’t just music; they were poetry. Talk to Me is one I’ve played countless times, partly because it’s a great song, partly because it’s a little mirror for my own relationships, and partly because it’s taught me a few things.

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Overused English Phrases My Chinese Students Can’t Quit

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Daily writing prompt
What is a word you feel that too many people use?
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I don’t really know what words most people overuse—mainly because the “people” in my life are mostly students. As a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) teacher at a university in China, I’ve learned that my students have a handful of go-to phrases they rely on for speaking and writing exams:

  • “Nowadays…”
  • “With the development of [something]…”
  • “Double-edged sword”
  • “In a word…” (usually followed by many, many words)

Let’s take an example. If students are assigned an essay on the pros and cons of giving children smartphones, I can guarantee that at least a third will start with: “With the development of modern technology…”

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Alternate Universes and the Reality We Live With

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Daily writing prompt
Describe your life in an alternate universe.
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Most of my dreams are stupid.

Once, I had a dream where the camera panned out to a third-person view, and I watched myself swing over a creek on a long vine, as if I were watching a movie about me. In another dream, I got into a car accident and was left upside down, staring blankly at the asphalt, shattered glass all around. That one stuck with me. It didn’t feel like my mind was inventing something. It felt like I was living something.

It’s hard to explain how dreams can feel different. Sometimes, I can sense my brain actively constructing a world — like Inception. Other times, I feel like a passenger, just experiencing whatever’s in front of me. I can’t explain the mechanics, but I know the difference when it happens. I’ve convinced myself that those “passenger” dreams are glimpses into alternate universes. I don’t know when or why I started believing that, but it helps me make sense of the strange, vivid places I go when I sleep.

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What Jamie Did: Adolescence, Masculinity, and the Quiet Collapse

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“Adolescence” caught me off guard in a good way. I read the summary and knew the program was a show about a kid being accused of murder. I assumed we would spend four episodes figuring out whether the kid actually did it. It took all of an hour to flip that on its head.

By the end of the first episode, our thinking on 13-year-old Jamie Miller is subverted: Jamie did murder his classmate Katie Leonard. It’s caught on film. The what of the story is already answered. Even with CCTV footage, the viewer is encouraged to question if the evidence could somehow be wrong. We see a young and innocent-looking Jamie ripped from his bedroom by police as his parents watch in horror. We want to believe there’s more to this story.

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In China, I’m a tourist attraction for non-tourists

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I have shown enough patterns of introvertedness that people I generally like being around know me as someone who doesn’t like being around people. Admittedly, I don’t enjoy parties, large gatherings, small talk, or extended conversations with unfamiliar people, and I often feel drained after socializing with others. Still, I don’t like having the word “introverted” so closely associated with me, even if it is true.

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